• Should I talk about treason? We ask psychologists

    Columnist Valeria Lorca answers your questions along with psychologists. Write about everything that concerns you, in the comments, and our experts will try to help you.

    For me, the worst thing is not treason itself, but the opportunity not to learn about it. This is how to live with a person, to love, to trust, to think about him well, while he exchanges you like a coin. Open your soul to a traitor and not understand it. The enemy does not wish. I am for the truth. Whatever it is. Although I understand that after such a truth it is incredibly difficult to save a family. Even if the cup is glued together, it is unlikely to drink from it ... And if it does, it is not without constant fear and fear that everything will spill out. Broken bowl, anyway, broken. And nothing can be done about it. To live and be afraid that this might happen again, constantly scroll in my head: “How could he?” ... Is this life?

    Although when a person confesses, it indicates that repentance, guilt, regret and pain have come.This suggests that he is not a very complete egoist, that there is in him some hint of conscience. It is easier to maintain respect for such a person. And forgive. Later. But is there a marriage after betrayal? No. Useless. No matter how desirable ... Even if he doesn’t tell you and you don’t want to know and see, it’s all the same: if there was a betrayal, then there can no longer be a real family.

    Should I talk about treason? We ask psychologists

    Nothing passes without a trace, everything has consequences. Better to confess. Of course, all people are different. For someone, treason is something taken for granted, normal. How to shake hands. And conscience does not hurt. I have a girlfriend, a wife of a very business and wealthy person. Educated, intelligent, beautiful, narcissistic, but due to his constant employment does not receive attention from her husband. And makes up for this gap on the side. At the same time, she is an excellent mother, very economic, caring. And her conscience is not a bit tormented. And to some extent I can understand her, because living with a person who does not give you time perceives you as something ordinary, without enthusiasm and trembling, difficult. Both men and women need recognition. It is necessary that when you see a man’s eyes light up.And when this light disappears, something in the relationship is lost. Same with the kids. Psychologists say that when a parent meets his child, his eyes must “smile” - this is how he will feel that he is loved.

    Often women forgive treason and remain with a traitor, constantly reminding him what a scoundrel he is. It seems to me that it is very difficult to “work out” treason on your own - so as not to torment your heart and not nag your spouse. We cannot do without a family psychologist, this is a very serious therapy in which both should take part. Probably the only way to save a family. Well, the question is: what is considered cheating? Only physical proximity? A spiritual connection? What is not treason? In general, the relationship between a man and a woman is work. You need to take care of your love, keep the light on. And in order not to chop firewood, initially it is not necessary to pick up an ax. Do not start so that you do not have to finish something later. Familiar couple faced with cheating. And from the spouse, and from the spouse. They saved the family, stayed together. But it seems that now their life consists only of smoothing the blame. Bought generous gifts, too much verbal baby talk, showing off their relationship on Instagram. There is some kind of falsity in this, something unreal and nasty. In the world, everything is so shaky.At one point, a person may lose his job, his position in society, his friends, and his family - this is exactly what you need to rely on. The power of man is in the family. And do not cherish it - reckless.

    Your questions:

    Natalia, 30 years old, Moscow

    I have a second marriage, two little children. And suddenly the ex-husband, who had once despicably abandoned me, showed up. I will not go into the details of how he did it. In general, we did not communicate for five years. And then he appears and in such a benevolent tone he says: “For all these years I haven’t even congratulated me on my birthday. Neither me nor my mother! ”I think he was crazy or didn’t I understand something? Is it worth it at all to congratulate the former, with whom you are no longer bound by anything and who are leaving ugly? And if so, what is the time? How many years? What, to the end of life to call and congratulate? What if my present husband will be unpleasant !? How correct? I will be very grateful for the answer!

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