Relations between parents and children
The relationship between parents and children is a unique phenomenon of society, which defies explanation and classification. The true reasons for the loss of mutual understanding are known only to the participants in the quarrel, so others can only guess about the cause of conflicts in the family. In the clash of generations, it is important to be guided by their own preferences and take into account the interests of the opposition. Different views on life and the wrong model of education - communication disappears as quickly as children grow up.
However, the observations of psychologists involved in the restoration of disparate cells of society, allow us to talk about the problem of relations between parents and children. The main thing is to correctly perceive the recommendations of professionals. You must remember that the tips and communication formats below are complex information that requires additional changes. After reviewing the content of the article, correlate the material with your own situation, making the right conclusions.
Classification of the relationship between parents and children
The formation of the character and outlook of the child directly depends on the behavior patterns of the mother and father, which they plan to adhere to in the process of raising the offspring. Communication within the family is the foundation of the young consciousness, projecting the events taking place in the outside world onto the home “example.” Resentment and joy, habits and mental disorders - echoes of childhood, which the child is guided throughout life. In the 21st century, five types of relationships between parents and the younger generation are traditionally classified:
Mother and father are trying to gain total control over the life of the child, guided by good intentions. However, regardless of the cause-and-effect relationships, the result of hyper-care is the appearance of a mental disorder in the baby. An offspring does not spend time with peers, does not remain alone with its own thoughts, cannot choose and be guided by personal preferences. The fragile world of maturing offspring is completely at the mercy of parents who are depriving a child of a happy childhood.
Such a model of adult behavior is comparable to tyranny or dictatorship.Parents who have not realized their own dreams in life are trying to send a child to their "traces", designed to correct the mistakes of the mother and father. They do not take into account the wishes and preferences of the baby, guided solely by personal interests. Often, in such families, spouses decide about the type of activity of the children at the moment when they only think about conception.
Mom and Dad are involved in the life of the baby, without depriving him of personal space. Freedom of action and the opportunity to seek the advice of an adult "friend" are the main advantages of this technique. Parents maintain friendly relations with a scion, without losing their authority. They try to meet the interests of the younger generation, sharing the child's hobbies. The main thing is not to "play."
Regular reproaches and accusations are the main signs of such a format of upbringing. A child in such a family feels unwanted, superfluous. In the situations that occurred, parents invariably find a cause-and-effect relationship between the baby and the events that have occurred. In the process of upbringing, the offspring does not encounter “love”, “understanding” and “caress”.A raised child often refuses to maintain relationships with parents, guided by the scale of resentment from childhood. Removing an angry child is the best solution to the problem, because some adolescents are beginning to take revenge for spoiled adolescence.
In such families, children can rely on the recommendation of a wise man who will try to help, and not rebuke. Disobedience of the child is punished, and independence is encouraged - a similar model of communication is built on rationality and trust. Parents invariably participate in the life of the offspring, trying to moderately control his behavior. Adults respect the choice of a child who listens to the authoritative opinion of the mother and father.
How do you want to see your own son after years? Are you ready to notice in the eyes of the baby "screaming" loneliness, unquenchable resentment and endless anger? Do you dream to hear sincere thanks from a child for a happy childhood? Full understanding and care about your favorite "old men" - these are your goals? The choice of a child rearing model is the “key” to the future, which opens only one door.
The main causes of disobedience of children
Serious violations in the behavior of children are the result of a mental disorder, which could appear due to one of the following reasons:
Fight for attention.
In today's society, where adults spend an impressive amount of time at work, children try to “get” the parents' free minutes by any means possible. Kids do not understand that mom and dad are tired during the day. The child tries to draw attention to good deeds, but often no one responds to such actions. The only option that arises in the young mind is disobedience or a prank, after which the parents will definitely devote their free time to raising their son.
The desire for self-sufficiency.
Children make scandals, refuse to obey and promote "revolutionary" moods for one reason - the desire to get rid of hyper-care. Parents pay too much attention to the child trying to show independence, so the “prank” becomes a reasonable solution to the offspring. In accordance with the young way of thinking, mom and dad must understand the extent of the indignation of a child who is ready to go even to extreme measures.“Favorite hours of the father who forbade to meet with friends? Punish, but I will not reconcile with your opinion, ”the reasoning of the“ rebellious ”fidget.
Childish grievances, which the child conceals throughout life - a weighty argument for a teenager who decided to answer the parents with the same "coin". If the baby was not allowed to communicate with peers, then he will disappear without the demand for a long time in an unfamiliar company. The actions of the child relate to the format of the relationship "contrary", where any action of the parents is perceived as incorrect.
Loss of faith
Regular criticism and endless bans, an immense sense of guilt and a lack of mutual understanding with parents are the reasons for the low self-esteem in the child's mind. The kid, whose successes initially do not believe anyone, despairs and decides to treat the events happening more simply. Apathy to communicate with peers and the loss of parental authority, panic attacks and a lack of desire for self-improvement are the result of an insensitive attitude of the mother and father to the offspring.
"Rebellion" against parents' views is a prerequisite for changing one's own way of life, which young dissenters are dissatisfied with.The kid was forced to enroll in the Suvorov school? Adults forced to learn to play the violin? Imposing spouse? The choice of professional activity occurred without the participation of the offspring? Riot in the young consciousness will arise necessarily - the only question is the extent of children's patience, which will end one day.
To identify the causes of disobedience in their own offspring, it is important to pay attention to the feelings arising from the parents after the child's pranks. If you feel anger inside, then the child will try to escape from under the over-care. If you have a state of emptiness and endless loneliness, then the reason for the baby was captured by depressive thoughts. If you are annoyed by the actions of the child, then he consciously draws attention to himself. If after the next "trick" of a young fidget, you are hurt by an insult, then the kid takes revenge, wishing specifically to harm his mom and dad.
Common Parent Mistakes
The reasons for disobedience of children are hidden in the wrong upbringing, which the parents adhered to in the process of growing up a child. If in adolescence to prevent typical mistakes, then misunderstandings between family members will not arise.Common patterns of behavior of mothers and fathers, because of which relations with children deteriorate:
Orders that deprive the child of choice and freedom of action.
Lack of trust and constant monitoring.
Threats of punishment.
Groundless criticism, because of which the kid stops believing in his own strength.
Sarcastic ridicule of the child’s act, putting him in an awkward situation.
Asking the offspring of personal information that he does not want to share.
Joking from parents who do not want to answer a child’s question.
Forced "tips" that deprive the baby of their own opinions.
Indifference in the life of a child.
In the relationship between parents and children we must not forget about the simple truth - the more privileges you have, the more responsibilities. Mutual understanding and participation in the life of a loved one is an effective way to help, and tyranny and regular disagreements are an inexpedient decision that destroys a person.
Recommendations for parents: important milestones in the upbringing of children
In order to prevent the loss of mutual understanding in relations with the child, parents should be clearly aware of the scale of the words spoken and the actions done.In raising a scion, it is important to systematize your own behavior, adhering to a well-thought-out strategy in advance. Guided by the following guidelines, you can correctly build communication with children:
It is important that the boundaries of behavior, which the child perceives correctly, be correctly identified and accessible to the young consciousness. Restrictions are accompanied by a baby with the knowledge that such actions will upset parents. If the child perceives the established framework as a “forbidden fruit”, then the situation will only worsen.
A child should be aware from childhood that it is much more pleasant to think positively than to live contrary to society and existing laws. The right literature and educational films are effective ways to influence the immature consciousness of the baby.
Creation on children's thinking is the "jewelry" method of education, which needs to be applied in doses. Morality is very tiring youthful consciousness, so you should not abuse communication in the imperative tonality. Heart-to-heart talk is an opportunity to influence the behavior, change the child’s worldview, and not punish them, aggravating the situation.
Parents should not quarrel and find out about the heightened relationship with the child. While observing the conflict between adults in the mind of a child, the authority of one of the participants in the dialogue invariably collapses. Guided by the example of such behavior, a scion may begin to show aggression, try to "rebel" and not listen to the parental opinion.
Mother and father must learn to offer the child an alternative that can interest the young researcher. The categorical “Impossible” often causes a protest in the child’s mind, which means it becomes a guide to action. Correctly present the information, prohibiting the use of markers on the wallpaper, but allowing on a special piece of paper. Hang the picture frame in the frame, paying attention to the abilities and talent of the baby. Next time, the fidget will not want to create a conflict situation, but will replenish his own collection of images on the wall of "honor."
Some parents forget that the baby is the same person who feels pain and experiences joy. In controversial situations, listen to the opinion of the child, learn how to find compromise solutions.Stubbornness is not an indicator of power, but a sign of lack of self-confidence. Mutual understanding and trust are the prerequisites for the child to have peace of mind and calmness.
If you do not allow common mistakes in the process of upbringing and keep your authority in the eyes of the child, the grown offspring will be grateful for a happy adolescence. Do not forget about the effect of "Boomerang", which is applicable to the relationship between parents and children. If you surround the baby with care, then in old age, count on similar attention from an already grown-up child.
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