Operation "Antikonkon": what to do if a man sat on his neck
This is a trap, which over time gets a huge number of women in a relationship. It all started well, with his generous gestures, gifts, responsible attitude to expenses and household duties. And then something happened - and now your prince is already lying on the sofa, playing computer games, he does not have time to pick up the children from the kindergarten and forgets to buy milk on the way home. You are exhausted from trying to be in time and fail to fall asleep, going through a long list of things for tomorrow. What happened? Where is the prince gone and why do you increasingly feel like his horse, and not the lady of the heart? We understand together.
Man in the tunnel
We will calm you down right away - most likely, you didn’t hit the lazy and gigolo, just a little bit hit the settings in a normal man. We all do it, and here's why.The male psyche has such a feature - to solve only the problem that is visible. It's like a tunnel vision - did you notice, a man can look at the shelf in the fridge and not see the milk pack standing next to the second? And he will not find socks, it is necessary to shift them from the usual place in the shelf of the dresser. The same with other areas of life. When there is a problem - then solve it. If the need is closed by someone - no matter who - it makes no sense to think about it. A man needs a stable psyche to remain calm in stressful situations, as well as for protection and feats. And for the sake of concentration, nature had to sacrifice some attentiveness and sensitivity to details.
The peculiarity of female nature, in turn, makes us improve everything. Surround with care and comfort as an expression of your own love. To shift washing socks in a dresser, on the way home to buy groceries - after all there everyone is already waiting for the hungry. And once you bring the pieces of the mammoth into the house, you bring two - and the man stops thinking about how the mammoth was in the refrigerator. Perhaps he crawls, it does not matter. Plus, the syndrome of a good girl, who are infected with all the polls Russian women.We and the horse, and the hut, and wash and feed - look how good I am, it is impossible not to love me. And now we are already dragging on a mountain of duties and all are waiting for him to notice and appreciate. Most likely, he will not notice and appreciate: since you have closed these needs, he has already turned his attention to other urgent matters requiring his participation. For example, enemy tanks in the computer.
The good news is that everything can be brought back.
Rule 1. Without haste.Responsibilities will have to return the man a little bit. Everything that has been done by you to this day, he already took as the rules of your life. Which, in his opinion, both of you suit you. You have to bring it out of the comfort zone, and it is better to do it gradually.
Rule 2. No scandals, accusations, recriminations and "goat snouts."You will have to act gently, patiently and with love. Of course, if you want further relations with this man, and not just with righteous anger, put him out the door. He really does not understand how you were unhappy after so many months and years. Maybe they changed you and he was wrong with the choice? Do not give a man a reason to fill his head with such thoughts.Use "I-messages" to express your discontent and offense (read more on the Internet).
Rule 3. Reduce their own expenses on life.If you want it to start financially involved in the process - reduce your own investments in the budget. But do not stand in a pose, they say, from now on, I bring less, and you more - and the point. Think of force majeure: something happened at work, and now you get less. In general, stop carrying money to the family. Put on the account, buy something outside of the house for yourself or a child. You should be physically less money for daily worries.
Rule 4. Food - only within the means.Products, according to statistics, are the main source of all expenses in the budget. And what is interesting, even in the most hungry times, people are the last to cut food expenses. The hardest thing is to refuse sweets, pizza and rolls at home, even when credit cards crack at the seams. And it is psychologically difficult for us to assess the real state of affairs with the budget, when the table is always tasty and satisfying. Your task at this stage is to cook from what is. and feed the man with this. Go to the store only together. Or (if he has lost the habit of this) ask to drop in to buy more, to help. Enough money only for pasta - eat pasta. The only meatball left the child.Look at a displeased look and blink often. Hunger is the engine of a man.
Rule 5. Confusion instead of confidence.But not nervousness or anxiety! It’s just that you were so independent before, but now the situation has changed, the ground has been knocked out from under your feet, and without the help of your beloved you don’t know what to do. Where to get money for food, how to pay bills, have time to pick up a child from kindergarten and so on. And so on. Yes, it is a little manipulation, but it is useful, including you. Strong women, as a rule, hardly release control from their hands. We'll have to play it and get used to it. Ask for help. Instead of “I myself” and the dramatic role of the victim, “help me, please, I can't cope without you.” A normal man readily undertakes to help. The main thing is not to overwhelm him with volumes all at once.
Rule 6. Leave him the right to make a mistake.At first, he will delay the payment, will incorrectly pay the communal flat, will buy something wrong, will become a psychotic and will not find the right address. Do not criticize, do not roll your eyes when he does something wrong. Men, by the way, are creatures vulnerable, they are afraid of disgrace. And they masterfully use our habit of “it's easier for me to do it myself than to expect from you” and can specifically do something bad. Do not give in. Let them learn and feel supported. Remember rule 2.
Rule 7. Give thanks.For everything, for everyone. Without exaltation and falsehood, simply, sincerely and from the heart. Gratitude is something that a man is so lacking in order to feel his need and significance. Tanchiki in the computer do not thank. And sweetheart - yes. Why is it important to take steps and follow every rule? With such a lifestyle, a man will gradually see his own strength in this thanks to your feedback. And she will start getting high on her own actions. Use the instructions and no longer spoil your man!
If not worked
Be prepared for the fact that in response to your actions, the man will start to get crazy and refuse to help. At this stage, the main thing - do not go into insults. Watch. It happens that a man reacts to the exit from the comfort zone, and then he enters the process. But perhaps he really chose a woman who can do everything herself (the reasons in his head and childhood, you do not need to go there deeply). If he admires too much women who have achieved a lot on their own, he releases annoyed comments to those sitting on maternity leave on her husband's neck - these are also a kind of bells. Perhaps he is really not ready to take responsibility for the whole family and wants each of you to be for yourself.But, as a rule, men think about independent women one thing, but in the end they get high on the role of a responsible earner and the head of the family. Approximately like women who first sniff at "moms", and after giving birth quickly and happily clog the tape in social networks with photos of their baby.
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