How to maintain a romantic relationship after the birth of a child
Nowadays, children are being prepared for the flight of space. Any self-respecting modern lady attends courses for the care of babies, chooses a personal midwife to accompany in childbirth, or even steeper - brings with him to the hospital doula. Doule is a woman who provides moral and physical support before, during and after childbirth. If it's easier, it's when one woman giving birth helps another. Children in general is now the center of the universe. Maybe because of the middle age of the parents. By thirty - and this is the same age - you are already mature and experienced and, as they say now, “managed to live for yourself”; Moreover, the generation of thirty-year-olds brought up mostly grandmothers, and from this even more would be desirable to do everything themselves and plunge headlong into the family, separating the children from loneliness.
Conscious parenting is a wonderful direction, but is it combined with marriage, which everyone usually forgets at first,what is fraught with the emergence of a distance between a man and a woman? Relationships in a few words develop according to a trivial pattern: walks under the moon, songs about love, wedding, household, pregnancy, childbirth, and then - as lucky as you can. The status of parents in two accounts displaces marriage. A different life with bottles, milk, poop, colic and sleepless nights, as a rule, does not fit into the original list of expectations. When you are expecting a child, you imagine just a beautiful picture - how you all live and have fun together, are touched by the baby, and he sleeps in his plush clothes, and you photograph him and again are touched by someone who continues your race and is the fruit of your love. In fact, it's not at all like that.
The mother under the influence of oxytocin is dissolved in the child, all of its resources are directed to the child.
The hormone of nursing mothers is also called the “hormone of oblivion” - this is when the ability to memorize and adequately perceive reality is lost. And how the hormone acts on you and what to do next - nobody knows, especially the husband
In addition to the unexpected manifestations of oxytocin, you and your husband may tritely not coincide with the night sleep schedule, and there is a chance that one of you will fall asleep with the back of the sleeping second half turned away.Stress after childbirth also happens to men. With the birth of the child on their shoulders lies a new responsibility and cares, which must somehow be combined with work. Of course, the most advanced spouses — future parents — preach possible changes in advance or turn to a psychologist. But usually the thought of wheelchairs, children's clothes and the arrangement of the apartment does not give other quite sensible topics a “reach” to the negotiating table. Books about how marriage develops with the birth of a child do not catch the eye with the same ease as all sorts of bestsellers in child development. Mutual discontent, fatigue, helplessness are surprises that go hand in hand with the great happiness of being a parent.
And what should I do? First, remind each other that you are not only parents: try to do something else besides grooming the baby and discussing children's topics. If you still got into a wonderful parental pool, then evaluate how well your husband feels there, and set the deadline for entering the real adult world. Secondly, think up one day for yourself, when you jointly do something not connected with the child.Cinema, shopping, guests, bars - try to have fun out of the house, with each other, like in the good old days.
Of course, it makes no sense to run to the last car, because the train called “freedom” left a long time ago, but you shouldn’t put your personal life and space on the altar of parenthood either
It is important to be honest - to recognize fatigue, mistakes, irritation, the desire to be alone or something else. The ability to call a spade a spade will play in favor of your relationship with both husband and child. It is important to know that at the beginning of the parental path, you can be attacked right away by responsibility, concentration, perfectionism, feelings of guilt, stress, as well as all kinds of personal internal traumas associated with your parents. Let honesty and sincerity into the family, recognize stereotypes that whisper sarcastically: be an ideal mother, forget about your husband, do not leave a child for a minute. In the family, as a matter of fact: you and your beloved husband, the relationship with whom is the great foundation of the foundations that you will carry throughout your life and which your child will watch. This is a daily work without holidays and weekends.With the child everything is much simpler - you do not need to build anything. There you are - a parent, an adult, authority, and there is a baby - transmitting life through you. Therefore, the ideal option is to straighten your shoulders, release all the tension and enjoy how the child grows. The best thing you can do for him is to love. Himself, husband, baby. To love as it turns out and as the heart says, no book will tell you about it, except your own.
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