How to learn to love?
Love fills our life with meaning, makes it emotionally rich and beautiful. Without love, there is no happiness, at best - a sad prosperity. And this is not only about the so-called romantic love, but about love for the people around us, about love for our own children, for everything in life. But how to learn to love? Maybe this is just a gift from above, which is not given to everyone?
Why we do not know how to love?
According to psychologists, they do not know how to love people who themselves lacked parental warmth in childhood. These can be children of too strict parents, children of parents who showed increased demands to their child who were loved “conditionally”, that is, only when they behaved as their parents demanded.
A small child, like air, needs parental love, warmth, a sense of security, a sense of being accepted by anyone. And if he does not receive it, he will not be able to learn to love. He develops a sense of distrust of himself, which he transfers to other people, he does not accept himself and therefore is not able to accept another.
If you want to learn to love others, then you need to start with yourself.
How to learn to love yourself?
What is love? This is, first of all, understanding, full acceptance of all the advantages and disadvantages of the object of love and the desire to make the life of a loved one just a little better. Even (especially) if this beloved is yourself.
To love yourself, you should know yourself. Understand the reasons that prevented your ability to love and overstate them from forming.
Divide a sheet of paper in two and write your advantages on one side, and your disadvantages on the other. Write everything that comes to your mind, you don’t need to hide anything from yourself, because only knowing all of our sides, we can learn to understand ourselves, to identify our true needs, and not those that were imposed on us by upbringing or the environment.
Get rid of guilt for not meeting someone’s expectations, including those of your parents. You are a unique person and have the right to build your life the way you need it, and not the way someone else wants it.
Get rid of resentment, including resentment at your parents. If they didn't give you something in childhood, then there was no malicious intent.They loved you, but only as much as they could, and could give you only what they themselves had. Now only you are responsible for your life, and you have every opportunity to make it the way you want.
One more way how to learn to love and respect yourself is auto-training. Do not forget to remind yourself that you love yourself, look for attractive external features and internal beauty, and gradually you will really start to change both externally and internally.
How to learn to love people?
He who does not know how to love himself does not know how to love others. He can help people, support them in trouble, but it is difficult for him to sincerely rejoice at the successes of those around him. And the point is not that he is a bad and envious person, but that a person who does not love himself is very bad. He may not himself be aware of the tension and psychological discomfort he constantly suffers.
To learn to love people, you need to love yourself. We cannot forgive those around us that we cannot forgive ourselves, and those traits that we do not like about ourselves. By recognizing yourself, you will recognize others. Forgiving yourself your weaknesses, you will learn to forgive others.By accepting yourself, you will accept other people as they are, learn to see their virtues and recognize the true motives of actions.
How to learn to build personal relationships?
People who have problems with self-perception and self-esteem, very often have difficulties in personal relationships. This is due to the fact that a person perceives the one who is next to him, as his supplement, and not as a separate person. It is difficult for him to forgive the partner's shortcomings, he tries to remake him, impose his life principles and norms of behavior.
The answer to the question of how to learn to love a man differs little from the answer to the question of how to love yourself and others. Understand and accept. To be grateful for what the person next to you gives you and not to demand from him what he is unable to give you.
Your partner is not your property. You must learn to trust him and understand that even married people have the right to personal freedom, to some kind of hobbies and hobbies, to friendship with other people, etc. If there is true love between people, then the question of how to learn to trust a loved one simply does not arise. True love does not impinge on personal freedom, does not dictate its rules of life, and does not demand the impossible.Mistrust arises in relationships built on fear (including losing a loved one) and on increased demands on the object of “love” (in this case there is a distrust that a person will not meet your expectations). If you accept the other as a free and independent person, and your relationship is built on freedom of choice and on the feeling of mutual respect, then the question of distrust will simply not arise.
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