7 Daily Habits That Build A Strong Romantic Relationship
How to Build a Good Relationship With Your Husband
Whether you’ve just gotten married or you’re approaching a major anniversary, it is always a good time to work on your relationship with your husband. Make sure that both you and your husband can clearly explain your needs and desires. Spending time together and improving intimacy can add a new spark to your relationship. While arguments are natural in any relationship, make sure you solve yours in a healthy manner.
Help Talking with Your Husband
Communicating with Your Husband
Schedule periodic chats about your relationship.As you and your husband grow old together, both of your needs, desires, and interests may change. A few times a year, agree to discuss the state of your relationship.
- Use this time to express when your needs have changed. For example, you might say, “I feel as though I need some more time to myself” or “I would love it if we could spend more time together without the kids.”
- You can talk about marital and family matters on a frequent basis. You might talk about bills on a monthly basis or chat when your child hits major milestones. If sex is an issue, you might check-in once a week.
Tell your husband when something is bothering you.Don’t expect your husband to be a mind reader. If there is something that is upsetting, frustrating, or annoying you, tell him. Be respectful, however, as you do so.
- Don’t accuse, blame, or call your husband names. Instead, use “I” statements to help make your point less accusatory. For example, instead of saying, “why can’t you ever wash the dishes,” you might say, “I feel frustrated sometimes when I come home, and the house is still dirty. Would you mind washing the dishes after you use them?”
- These issues don’t just have to be about your husband either. If you had a bad day at work or if you’re annoyed about something, tell him. This can encourage him to cheer you up or help you through it.
Respect your husband’s privacy to demonstrate your trust.Trust is essential in a relationship. Your husband needs to know that you trust him, even when you are not around. This will help him trust you and create healthy boundaries in the relationship.
- Allow your husband to go out with friends and socialize without you. Express interest in his friends, but don't interrogate him about who he is hanging out with.
- Do not track your husband’s phone calls, social media accounts, or emails. Allow him to maintain his private life, and trust that he will tell you when something important comes up.
- At the same time, make sure that your husband respects your privacy. Don't be afraid to set boundaries or to ask for time alone.
- Watch out for being codependent. It's important that you have your own friends and hobbies outside of your relationship, as well. If you find yourself constantly tracking your husband, consider getting professional help from a therapist.
Ask your husband for help when you need it.Request his assistance politely and with respect. Explain why you want him to do something. Don't forget to thank him afterwards!
- For example, instead of saying “you need to fix the door this weekend,” you might say, “do you think you could take care of the door this weekend?” If he says no, work out a solution that works for both of you. For example, offer to pick up the necessary tools for him or ask if he would rather hire a handyman.
- Emphasize why you need his help as well. For example, you might say, “I have a meeting after work today, so I won’t be able to cook dinner. Can you handle it tonight?”
- If your husband asks you for help or to do something for him, don’t forget to come through on it. Both of you should assist the other when needed.
Remember that communication is a 2-way street.When you communicate with your husband, he should be expressing the same respect, trust, and openness back to you. If he does not, it may be time to talk to him about the issue.
- Your husband should show gratitude to you for the things that you do. He should ask respectfully when he needs something and respect your privacy. If he doesn't, you should ask him specifically to respect you in these ways.
- A marriage counselor can help in this regard. The counselor can teach you healthy communication practices in a safe space.
Keeping the Relationship Interesting
Go on regular dates together.Give yourself 1 date night every 1-2 weeks. Make sure that nothing else interferes with this night. Don’t bring any children along. Make these dates about just the 2 of you.
- If you have children, hire a baby sitter for the night. You can also try going on dates during the weekend days when your child is at a friend’s house or with another family member.
Try new experiences together.If you and your husband keep doing the same things over and over again, you may be getting bored of your routine. Mix up your activities. Find a new experience together that the 2 of you both want to try.
- For example, you might go rock climbing or join a kickball team.
- Try taking a class together to learn a new skill. You could do pottery or cooking.
- You can include children in some of these experiences to make it a family activity. For example, go on a hike together, rent some canoes at a lake, or try a ropes course.
Foster your own interests and hobbies outside of the marriage.If you and your husband do absolutely everything together, it might cause you to feel bored, confined, or isolated. If this is the case, focus on your own interests. Try doing things without your husband.
Resolving Arguments and Problems
Cool down after arguments.If you and your husband had a fight, take time to cool down. Let him relax as well. When you’re both calm again, you can talk rationally. This time can also help you figure out why you were upset or what you need to make things better.
- If you need to, go to a separate room. Take deep breaths or distract yourself for a while with a different activity.
Express why you are upset.Focus on the complaint, not on your husband. By expressing your feelings and thoughts on the matter, your husband will learn why you are frustrated. If you criticize him, however, he may become defensive.
- For example, instead of saying, “You never pay attention to me,” you might say, “I get so lonely all day. When I come home, I need you to talk and cuddle with me."
- Starting sentences with “I” or “We” can help make your husband feel more comfortable.
Listen to your husband’s perspective.Your husband may have his own frustrations or complaints. Try not to get defensive when he expresses these. Don’t interrupt him either. Just let him talk and express his own side of things.
- Show that you’re listening by repeating back what your husband is saying to you. For example, you might say, “What I am hearing is that you want more excitement in our relationship.”
- If your husband won’t open up easily, tell him that you won’t get angry. Encourage him to open up to you. For example, you might say, “If something is bothering you, I want to know. I won’t be offended, I promise.”
Compromise with each other on heated issues.You and your husband may not agree on everything, and that’s okay. Remember to negotiate with your husband to ensure that you both are happy with the arrangement.
- For example, if you’re arguing about spending, you might each get a budget to spend on yourselves each month. Each of you will have to stay within this limit.
- Compromise means that you both have to sacrifice something. For example, your husband may want to visit his family, but you may not get along with them. As a compromise, you might go with him but ask that you both stay in a hotel room instead of at the family home.
Apologize when you have done something wrong.If you feel as though you have said or done something wrong, a simple “I’m sorry” can go a long way in patching things up between you and your husband.
- Be sincere. Admit what you did wrong. You might say, "I am sorry I yelled at you this morning. I'll try to be calmer in the future."
- If your husband apologizes to you, be sure to accept the apology. You can say, "Thank you. I appreciate the apology, and I forgive you."
See a marriage counselor if you cannot overcome your differences.If you and your husband fight constantly about the same things or if you feel dissatisfied in your marriage, it may be time to see a marriage counselor. A counselor can help teach you healthy conflict resolution skills and compromise.
- You don’t need to be struggling in your marriage to see a counselor. In fact, seeing a counselor once a year to check in may help improve an already strong relationship.
- If your husband refuses to go to marriage counseling, some therapists will see spouses individually.
- You can ask your doctor or a therapist for a referral to a counselor. Some religious houses of worship will also offer marriage counseling.
Maintaining a Healthy Sex Life
Establish a frequency that makes you both happy.Sit down with your partner and discuss whether you are currently happy with the level of intimacy in your relationship. If 1 spouse wants more intimacy than the other, discuss what you can do to make each other happy.
- There is no magic number for how much sex will make your relationship strong. The important thing is that both you and your husband are happy with it.
Touch each other more outside of the bedroom to restore intimacy.Touch is important for creating intimacy, even outside of sexual contact. Hug when you leave for work or kiss each other when you come home. Hold hands when you’re out in public. Cuddle on the couch or touch his shoulder when you talk.
- Your husband should also initiate touch with you. If he won't, try asking directly for more contact, such as hugs or cuddles. If this doesn't work, you may need to consult a marriage counselor.
Schedule intimacy into your calendar.While scheduled sex might not sound enticing, it actually can help your love life immensely. Once you put it on the calendar, make sure that no other commitments interfere with the time or date.
- Your husband and you can even plan special activities for that night, such as a date, intimate games, or role play.
- Make sure that you both agree on the schedule. Remind each other, if needed!
Tell your husband what you want out of sex.If you don’t express what you like, you may feel disappointed in the bedroom. Don’t be afraid to say what you like and what gives you pleasure. If you want to try something new, suggest it to your husband.
- Give your husband instructions during sex as well. These can help provide mutual pleasure for both you and your husband.
- Your husband may suggest new positions and activities too. If you're uncomfortable with 1 of your husband's suggestions, talk it out with him. Tell him why you don't want to do it.
QuestionWhat if my husband doesn't understand me?Alexis VasconcelosCommunity AnswerTry communication. Men and women think and feel vastly differently. Try staying on the same page by being open and honest about your feelings.Thanks!
QuestionWhat should I do when my husband does not believe me? I love him a lot but he doesn't like me.wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerThen do all your best to show him that you really love him, like thinking about his favorite things and talking about what you two have in common, and sharing your love with him. But if he still doesn't like you when you try your best, then probably tell your parents about this personal situation because that means he's probably not the right match for you.Thanks!
QuestionMy husband doesn't help me with the housework even though I have to work and I am not a housekeeper. What can I do?Haley JeanetteCommunity AnswerTry not doing dishes or his laundry and maybe he will get a taste of his own medicine.Thanks!
QuestionHe thinks I am not good for him. What should I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerTalk about the issues you are having and make a plan to change them together.Thanks!
QuestionMy husband does not trust me. He keeps everything secret . I am getting frustrated with him. What should I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerGive him space and let him know you are mad.Thanks!
QuestionThere is no communication between us. What should I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerSee a counselor for advice, whether together or alone.Thanks!
QuestionAm I selfish if I give my husband a "curfew" when he goes out drinking with friends?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerNo, this could be a good way to keep him safe, so long as you give him enough time to enjoy himself.Thanks!
QuestionI love my husband dearly, but he scolds me a lot. What should I do?Ryan CampbellCommunity AnswerTell him that he is scolding you way too much, and be honest and don't overdo it. Make sure he is in a good mood. You should say "I love you very much, but I keep dealing with you with your scolding. It hurts, and I think we should put our differences aside and let's try to solve this." Make sure you have a plan, like unlikely and likely responses he could have. You can also plan therapy.Thanks!
QuestionWhat should I do to stop him from drinking?Top AnswererNo one can control another person. It is impossible for you to stop him from drinking. Only he can do that, and only if he wants to. What you can do is talk; don't fight, don't argue, just ask him for his point of view and give yours, but listen more than you speak. Ask him how he feels alcohol is affecting his life and yours. Health, a happy marriage, and being a good husband are all excellent reasons for him to quit or at least reduce it to three beers a week. However, you don't have to accept this. Ask yourself how long you are willing to wait, hoping he will realize this by himself?Thanks!
QuestionI've been dating a married man for more than year now, his wife just left the house but he's not answering my call. What do I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerGrow up, start respecting other women, and stop dating married men. The married man you're with already shows he has a lack of respect for the women in his life by cheating on his wife with you. He almost certainly doesn't respect you either, and you're not respecting yourself by being this guy's second choice.Thanks!
- Remember that the marriage is for both of you. Discussions should focus on how decisions affect the 2 of you, not just 1 spouse.
- If your husband verbally or physically assaults you, understand that it is not your fault. Marriage counseling rarely works in these cases. Your husband may need to attend anger management or abuse intervention therapy.
Video: Skills for Healthy Romantic Relationships | Joanne Davila | TEDxSBU
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